Stop Being a Hero and Birth at Home

Yesterday there was a podcast by I've Had It that was being shared all around the birth world. I've got some choice words for these women, but let's be honest they aren't here to listen or hear anything that we have to say, but I'm will talk to their points.

First off, I realize that home birth is not for everyone, whether that is based on their personal choice or that their pregnancy is considered high risk and prevents them from having the option to birth at home. But to call out a whole group of women for making a choice that is best for them....shame on you! This is another gross example of how we as women are our own worst enemies.

To their points:

"There's just nothing grosser than the thought of giving birth in a pool, because then all that stuff that comes out is then on your skin."

Actually what is grosser is women talking down to other women. You obviously have no idea what actual birth is like or you would know that birth is not as messy as it appears on TV. And who said you had to birth in a birth pool? There are no rules on where women choose to birth when they birth at home. That is one of the best parts of birthing at home! The woman is the one in control and gets to make decisions on what is best for her and her baby. But hey, why don't you do a simple Google search on the microbiome in pregnancy and birth and see how all that "stuff" is far more important than you ever knew.

"Why would anybody not want an epidural? I know people think it like makes them like, Oh, I gave natural childbirth. Okay, good for you. I did the drugs. It was great. It was easy."

And in the same vain, why would anyone want an epidural? Yay, for you that it made your birth easier, but that is not the case for many women and babies. Yes, there is a time and place for pain management. But, the use of epidurals come with serious risks for mom and baby. The cascade of interventions that begin with an epidural leads to our counties high cesarean rate. Then we have the increase risk of uterine ruptures due to women later desiring a VBAC, placenta accreta, placenta previa, and future fertility issues. And that's just some of the risks to the mother, but what about baby? Risks for baby include distress, a slower heart rate, increased need for an instrument delivery and/or cesarean section. If you want to learn more about the risks of an epidural you can read here: Epidurals: risks and concerns for mother and baby.

But, good on you for choosing what was best for YOUR birth.

"And I don't give a s**t if somebody I don't want to hear about anybody epidural and I sure as f**k don't want to hear about anybody's home birth delivery and why somebody would want to be a hero.

THEN DON'T LISTEN!!! No one is making you listen to their birth story, and if they are, then you are a grown woman, and can tell them you do not want to hear it. It is that simple! But do not tell any mother they are not a hero. WOMEN ARE HEROS no matter where or how they choose to birth.

"In the days of modern medicine"...

Do we really want to go there? Do y'all really want to have a serious discussion about how "modern" medicine treats women? Oh, let's talk about how modern medicine treats black women! Yea, let's do that one!!! Pretty please! Black women are THREE times more likely to die of pregnancy-related causes than white women. THREE TIMES!!! How is that modern medicine!? I sit with women all the time and listen to their stories from previous births and how they wanted nothing more than to just be heard, to be a part of the discussion, to be asked if it is okay to touch them. Do not put modern obstetrics on a silver platter. We are not there yet.

"it is not going to make you a better mother to decline an epidural at a hospital."

And it is not going to make you a better mother by choosing to get an epidural. Wanna know what is going to make better mothers? Women who choose to educate themselves! Women who choose to no longer listen to the narrative! Women who choose to build each other up, rather than talk shit about others, because they disagree with their choices. This podcast is a prime example of showing why women are their own worst enemies. Wanna know why women are still fighting the patriarchy? It's not because of men....it is because of women; women like you. Women choosing to talk shit about others and women working at erasing women. I said what I said.

"I don't understand why people, I feel it in the same vein to deny going to a hospital because what if something's wrong with that child? That's what I think. You have a team of doctors right there right now.

Women are scared to go to the hospital, especially women of color. Women are being sexually assaulted while giving birth. Women are being harassed for choosing to listen to their bodies. Women are having their babies taken from them for simply choosing to take care of their child differently than how a doctor thinks they should. Women are tired of being told how to do what they are created to do! That is why we choose to not go to hospitals. We are abused, violated, suppressed, shut down by the very doctors who say there are there to help make sure we safely birth our babies. That is why women are choosing to birth with other women at home. Thankfully here in the Dallas area we do have a few OBs who do not practice this way. These few OBs are the real MVPs when it comes time to make the decision to no longer birth at home. These OBs take over the care of our mommas and treat them with the same love, compassion, and respect that they hired us midwives for.

If you know me personally you know I have lots of extra words that I would love to say, but I will keep them for the private conversations, so not to scare others away. Know this though...I will fight to my dying day for women and families to choose what is best for them. I will fight to make sure that other women do not demean you for your choices. I will fight to make sure that you and your baby have the safest birth possible. I will fight to make sure that you are loved and heard.

If you want a water birth for your home birth and are in the Dallas area reach out. Kharis Midwifery serves most of North Texas with our office located in Allen. We have a passion for serving all women, but especially VBAC mommas.

Midwifery care filled with grace,